She brought me chilled skinned, sliced mangoes..with a fork so i dont have to soil my hands while doing oh so important stuff on my laptop..And she limps away with her aching legs..Resigned to the fact that I am her lazy daughter who wont help her and who won’t give her granchildren..Its summer..mangoes galore..Am 24 and she still skins my mangoes for me..Asks me what I want to eat..and relentlessly makes the best she can..She doesn’t get me most of the time..the generation gap doesnt permit it..But a slight paleness and there is panic over my Hb count..Tells me even inspite of herself that I should be proud of my thoughts and the way I feel about the world..That I should in any circumstances stand independently and be strong from within..Thats a mother for you.. A generation of mothers who distill the purest form of love in this world..Last remains of untainted pure love..Its good to know..I live alone for awhile now so at home even her skinned and sliced mangoes are not taken for granted..I wonder who would look upon me with so much love and disappointment ever..Who would give a damn like the way a mother would..Inspite of themselves..Relentlessly..till their dying day..
I am eating the sliced mangoes..and grateful to the universe for my most precious gift..My mother.
I am a cultureless bastard..Period. I belong to multiple cultures..The one my parents belong to, the one my parent country taught me, the one my parents country expect from me inspite of never having lived there,the one the places i have been to for studies have inculcated in me..And well so on and so forth..Everywhere i have been to i have been looked down upon because of my being from a certain culture..or not..I mean of u go for a country like india..based on the very minute detail of which god u bow down to there will be an either looking up or looking down let alone factors like sexuality or ideologies..depending on who is the majority in that area..And if you are amongst your own so called people..You will definitely be looked down upon if you dont bow down the exact way and the exact number of times that the others do to the same god. So you see..multiple cultures..in essence belonging everywhere..actually belonging nowhere..like having a surname..but not sure if its yours or one thats just taken to mould into the place you are in.. and the emotional blackmail..wow..the emotional blackmail..and thats exactly where they get you..parents being the they..darling human beings they are..but makes you feel apologetic for every darn thing you are..How can one feel such limitless bounds of sorry for the simple fact of who they are…I AM..ladies and gentlemen.. therefore I apologise..I THINK..ladies and gentlemen..therefore I apologise..I AM NOT APPROPRIATE..ladies and gentlemen.. and therefore i yet again apologize..I AM A WOMAN..ladies and gentlemen.. and a radical thinker without a voice and for that..for that i apologise to no one but myself..I am sorry my dear dear self..that i cant do more for you..I wish i could..but i cant..you hang in there..I heard in a talk once..the moment people talk to you..they are boxing you..boxing you into compartments..tiny tiny little boxes..and that and only that can be the validity of your existence..and another faction represented by a friend assures me that even parts of the world where they claim individual freedom, its negated by the fact that they don’t care about each other..But well, on observation sadly, i would have to inform her that neither does this conformist world care..No body cares anyway at the end of the day.. then why confirm??? I am validating this to my conditioned conscience over and over and over again because it doesn’t seem to want to liberate itself..Its stuck in that ever present rut to please every single person on the planet and then again..ANd yes..this cultureless bastard walks around trying so hard to confirm everywhere..and feeling guilty at every act of rebellion so much so that it gives me a headache..Belonging to a million worlds and belonging nowhere..Then again, is belonging overrated?? Yes indeed..For a nomad like me who has seen amazing sides of all the worlds I have been to, I wouldnt trade any bit of my experiences for all the belonging in the world…So if the self donned title of cultureless bastard and a bit of guilt is the price to pay..So be it 🙂 I will continue..to educate..try atleast to rebel within the confines of my little mind and through little acts of rebellion..let my actions speak for themselves..let me lead the way for breaking of the old and paving way for the new..MAn do i feel like a pioneer or what.. 🙂 Feeling optimistic..rosepens.
So what about this new blog..What about it indeed 🙂 Am no pro at blogging..Not an intellectual..Dont give a damn about politics..Not a gadget freak..Not an athlete (Couldn’t run to save my life am afraid :D) No knowledge remarkable at all to offer..Not too religious..I prefer the term Spiritual..But what I am is an observer..Just an observer..funny because I think thats what the world lacks the most..Observers..Everyone is so busy doing their own thing..Or believing their own beliefs..Its tough to just sit back and observe 🙂 So this blog is going to be just that..Random observations..And the occasional frustrated ranting..all in all an attempt to make sense of it all 🙂 If at all all there is any sense 🙂
From the profound bordering on Madness to actual madness to a few moments I believe are lessons learnt.Welcome to sift through this world that’s my mind 🙂 Cheerio!