Arranged Marriage Chronicles part 5

Note: The Arranged Marriage process is one which is practiced in many eastern countries to date. How it works out is simple enough- Families send out profiles of their eligible son/daughter to be married. In the Older days there were people whose entire livelihood depended on the matching of these profiles but now a days a lot of it happens online. Families and the candidates details are enquired about and the potential candidates are taken through an extensive filtering process and then the candidates may talk to each other and if ALL the parties involved, as in the guy, girl and their respective families are happy then marriage may be proceeded to. And yes, it’s all a grand leap of faith. So, that’s how it works.
Story reverting to me ,the author of this series – The Great Indian Arranged Marriage Circus .
On understanding that I too must be a willing participant of this process I turned to many sources for information on how to carry out the process. I found not too much has been written about exactly how this process works out for the person getting married. Being a Gen Y from a country like India from a middle class background it’s most often than not a given that youngsters like me are stuck in a weird place. From having been educated in a way as to have a modern outlook and then pushed to a stage where we must navigate through a process that is not only ancient but literally never explained to us before and to a person like me is like walking in the dark with a stick to guide us.
So I decided that I will chronicle this journey, the highs the lows the funny bits and the not so funny bits.Am hoping that somewhere someone will find the journey a little bit easier knowing that they are not alone in this crazy path.
So thus I continue to the part 6 of the Arranged Marriage Chronicles. To be cont..


Arranged Marriage Chronicles part 4

Wait till the next person asks me about arranged Marriage..At this very moment am having an intensely negative personal perception about the whole process..So I may not be an ideal candidate to ask either. Be warned, the first few..paragraphs..will be all rant and in the end when the venom is spewed out, I may write an objective perspective of this extremely subjective area.
Well, five months into the process and nothing good has come of it..But terms of career, I have moved to the country I was born in and where the Father currently is at and as luck would have it, found a job here too. In personal terms , this simply meant that being the distant tension that I was for the Father , Suddenly I was a walking talking ticking bomb to him which reminded him everyday that I was not growing any younger.
The thing about having lived away from your parents for almost a decade and that too during your most formative years is that there is the most clichéd phrase of our age ‘generation gap’ which shines bright and clear in the picture .This in Parent language means ‘she has grown horns and refuses to budge or refuses to listen to anything we say or value what we do’ and in the young adult child language means ‘ they don’t understand what I am trying to say’ .
Now while sorting out this extremely complicated dynamic separately with each parent staying in different countries, the one added complication you do not want in the picture is this- the requirement of making an extremely important decision together, like marriage.
I have now been living at home for a good 6 months , and of 5 of these months I have been a willing participant of the arranged Marriage Circus.
The worst receipes for disaster lies at every turn of every decision. The why’s and the what’s of every rejection
For one example:
Le moi: I want a guy who has been brought up under similar circumstance s as me- preferably outside my native country coz I feel that way we would sync in our approach to life in general
Le Parents: You have no idea how these guys are all spoilt brats/ incapable of taking responsibility/or we don’t know how these people really are(the ultimate).You have no idea how good these guys who are brought up in our native land are and so bloody on and on..
A simple matter of wanting a guy who is somewhere similar to you is debated and counter-debated to such an extend that you end up asking yourself..Dammit are they right??Is everything you know and understand about people bloody well wrong??
And add to this the fact that you have just gotten a job and are just beginning to understand exactly how difficult surviving out in the real world is and you are struggling with your own foundations to begin with, let’s just say it’s one hell of a hot piping mess.
Now with all due respect they are the Parents, they want the best for me. And am damn sure I will realise that they mean it all out of love .
But in all honesty it’s a damn suffocating love..Live your life yes. But on our terms. Enjoy your life, but since it’s our resources or because you are our responsibility you must enjoy it on our terms.
As for an objective view on arranged marriage, I have lost sight of it because am so overwhelmingly caught up in the emotional roller coaster of it. But – Get this
Everyone is stressed out and freaked out. Bottom line. Parents are so worried sick for you and your future, you just wanna gently pull them back a step and say breathe dammit..Just freakin breathe.
And you..Stuck in the heart of the storm.. You will find yourself looking into the freakin mirror every now and then trying to sort out all this mess and some where a spark will whisper to you,,Believe,,That between all this mess the universe is still doing it’s job..Is extracting the essence from all this and working it out at a level unknown to us..Is waiting for the crazy tug of war of personal and familial conflict to reach an epiphany . Is simply waiting for the right time until you have learnt all the lessons you need to learn from this experience..Until then hold one, simply hold on.
Overwhelmed and exhausted ,