Arranged Marriage Chronicles part 8: Personally speaking

This is more of a confession I think and a declaration. To myself. To at least put it out there, to allow me to accept this decision of mine because these are times where I am navigating this whole process alone with not many ‘go to’ people in the picture , maybe partly because am not willing to seek help or because I seem to go to all the wrong people most of the time.

I was almost stubbornly clinging to the idea of romantic love happening to me and that leading to marriage for the longest time. Subconsciously rejecting any proposal as part of the arranged marriage process before it even got to stage where I interact with the potential groom because I thought there must be someone out there. And not just anyone, it had to be someone already known to me, at least the families were familiar to each other so that it would simply be the union of two friends with the promise of a filial love and the families would naturally develop a cordial bond with no effort.

Something like what we  Indians like to call ‘love & arranged marriage’.

And for what I now have come to believe are childish reasons like ‘Destiny’ and ‘Meant to Be’ and ‘Believe’ and all that( I can almost hear the Disney Background music)

Deep down I held on for the longest time (more than 5 years: Don’t ask me how I know that so precisely) to that hope and that dream while leading a very normal life of a seemingly cool person. I am happy in the meanwhile I can claim to have lived a full and happy life with every possible experience a young lady in my time and age should have to be content and a career she is passionate about and proud of even. To my credit there even was a gentleman in the picture who ‘fit the bill’. But the universe had other plans. One cannot be such a hopeless closet romantic and have a  successful personal life by shutting away so much.

Maybe I need to let go of the idea that whatever is in store for me simply must happen a certain way. After all isn’t the destination what is important, or is it the path??But is it being stubborn or simply going with something that just resonates with you so well. I am just tired of figuring all that out.

It is of course no great tragedy  that has occurred here. But I see it as a surrendering of my spirit, something I was truly proud of. Or maybe it was simply my ultimate barrier of fear preventing the universe from granting my heart’s true need.Or just plain old ego.Who knows anymore.

From here on my participation in  the arranged marriage circus (Yes, it is still one grand circus)has become true and complete. Or at least I will strive to do justice to the process as much as this petrified heart of mine permits.




Arranged Marriage CHronicles part 7: Ponderings – Romantic love, Marriage and Indian GenY

So apparently romantic love became the basis for marriage only since the 18th century(Yes, I faithfully follow the american sitcom Big Bang Theory). And into the uber conservative Indian families of the 21st century, the concept of romantic love is even more recent and it is utter nonsense that romantic love even be made a premise for marriage.

But the fact is that it does not stop our current generation who have been brought up on a staple diet of Bollywood and (post-globalization) Hollywood love stories and romance from falling in love anyway and quite stubbornly clinging to the concept of finding the ‘One’ on their own.

And its a lottery either way, Because if entered in complete awareness and maturity and the willingness to mould yourself into the requirements of a marriage partnership, I believe that is what universally contributes to a successful marriage no matter how the path to the marriage was chosen.

So we have a generation of Indians who are totally unprepared for the aftermath of what a married relationship post romantic love is like . Whose parents refuse to wholeheartedly support the marriage in many cases as it was not conducted with their whole hearted acceptance and lo and behold! Sky rocketing divorce rates.

Which the parent-generation conveniently blames on the fact that ‘they took the decision themselves’. The more concerned parents lament that they wished their child had listened to them. The point being, there is a lot of lack of understanding of the explosion of cross-cultural influences that no one is prepared to deal with resulting in a lot of pain and heartbreak because of the ‘ illusion of choice’ ‘mad consumeristic lifestyle’ .

But I refuse to believe its all that bad.

There are more than a lucky few who have dodged the bullet and found their better halves and lead more than successful lives in the process but the fact is its right now a hot piping mess. It will simmer maybe a few generations down the line when people appreciate the differences and a better understanding and acceptance evolves but till then all we can do is to hold on tight and pray to dodge the bullet.