Its been long since I have written a post . Been caught up with life. Well I began this series to chronicle the journey through arranged marriage of a Gen Y Indian, mid twenties, working, confused as hell but enjoying the ride with its ups and downs: Me.
I believe it’s a 10 part series so far and there are many more anecdotes I would have chronicled but the journey of the writing itself has come to an end.
No Groom in sight yet. And its bit of a relief.
I am neither mentally nor emotionally prepared for marriage. Am going through a personal renovation of sorts and that journey is one that must be undertaken if I am to make a sensible decision with respect to life partner.I like to see it as the universe giving me a required break so to speak. To discover myself and not just discover but to sincerely project it to the society and thus to be truly sure of who I am and hence be ready when the time is right.
For it is my conclusion that no matter –
what you/your parents think are your respective choices
what your ideas are about those choices or ,even
(as believed in some cultures) the pre-written choices allotted to you are and so on;
Whatever maybe our collective different thoughts about the entire process, there is a thing as destiny, it works in ways absolutely incomprehensible to the human mind.
So we simply believe there is something as a person written for you. You or your parents can move mountains and then some but it will come when the time is right.
This comes as a relief in so many ways(no more breaking head about whom to choose) and a sense of trepidation(how will it happen, who will choose, will I be happy). But we simply trust and let go.
Being from mixed cultures in terms of origin and upbringing and exposures,there is a lot of confusion in me as to who I am and what are my cultural perceptions and projections. Knowing these things matter, because at the end of the day you are society.
And who you are, moulds that society.
And marriage is nothing but your own extension of society. So One must really be sure what one brings into a marriage or be ready for the immense confusion that a huge transformation like marriage would bring.
Especially for a person with a modern outlook and yet part of the still conservative but transforming society. And I know of couples who have gotten divorced because of this huge pressures of not being able to define themselves and thus projecting to the other person a wrong picture. This in turn leads to huge disillusionments and consequent separation. And this goes for both Arranged and Love marriage. However, the classic definitions of ‘love’ and ‘arranged’ marriage has achieved some sort of fluidity in my time which causes me to simply group them under the term Marriage.
And in this time and age of complete potpourri of cultures and societies and not to mention the evolved mindsets, I choose to believe that this my journey is a universal journey. A journey reflective of the society that I live in. Destroying its old identity, weeping for it and yet forging new identities . Hate it, Love it, the process is real and so one better go with the flow of it.
Most importantly, if anyone has survived reading this to the end and are still in search of a partner. Don’t neglect any aspect of yourself. Past, Present, Personal, Familial-It all matters. Moulds you. For better or for worse.
Embrace it all and then when the time is right, it will happen if marriage is even important to you at that point . Even when it does happen embrace it when it comes with an open mind, like a whole new baby who needs a lot of care and nurturing before it can walk on it’s own.
P.S. I wind up the Arranged Marriage Chronicles with this post. I will be attempting to write on other topics henceforth. Thank you for your patience.